I wanted to start this post off thanking everyone for your
support and prayers. We feel them everyday in out lives. Before all of this, I
never realized how much support can be given just by praying for someone, but
now I know that prayer is real, God is hearing everyone’s prayers on our behalf
and he is blessing out lives for it.
There’s a saying at the cancer center that I look at every
time I leave after treatment. When I leave, I’m feeling really tired and horrible and I look
at the wall in the hallway and read the quote that says something like this,
“Be joyful, although you’ve considered all of the facts.”
Finding joy amidst this trial has been something Megan and I
have strived for. Just because I have cancer and don’t know the outcome yet,
does not mean it has to take over my life and my thoughts all day every day. As
hard as it is and how quickly I’m reminded of it everyday when I start to feel
sick, I have found joy during this trial.
My last treatment was my 6th treatment out of 12.
Megan and I celebrated it with an incredible date night in downtown Salt Lake.
We went to our favorite restaurant called Kyoto. It’s a little Japanese place
and it has the most incredible food. It actually even tasted good to me. My
taste buds seem to be completely gone, but luckily I was able to taste the
sweet teriyaki sauce. Salty things are really hard to taste but sweet things
have been a little easier to taste.
After dinner, we went and checked in at the Hotel Monaco and
then went for a walk over to the City Creek mall. Through all of this I don’t
really care about shopping for anything cause I’ve lost so much weight that if
I bought clothes that fit me now, they probably won’t fit me a year from now if
I can gain my weight back. We ended spending most of our time looking in the
Disney Store anyways for stuff for Halle and Lily.
Then we went back to the hotel and played monopoly. I was
reminded of how competitive I am in board games. It was so much fun but of
course Megan is luckier than I am (I haven’t had the best luck this year) and I
was going crazy. Of course, I couldn’t stand to get beaten so we’ve played
monopoly like 4 more times since then so that I could at least beat her once.
We had a blast playing and then we watched Dan in Real Life.
I have a hard time sleeping lately. My mind starts to
wander. Lately it’s wandered back to the day I was diagnosed. What a weird day.
It doesn’t even seem real. Or my mind wanders off thinking about 24, which I
hadn’t seen until last week and am so addicted to now.
I’m going in for my 7th treatment. I wanted to
tell you what the cancer treatment room is like for me. I go sit down in a
comfy recliner and wait for the nurse. I’m already starting to feel a little
sick at this point just because I know how the drugs are going to make me feel.
The nurse comes over and accesses my port, which involves putting an inch long
needle into the port on my chest. Doesn’t hurt a bit though cause I get some
numbing cream. Then they draw some blood. The port catheter runs straight to me
heart so that blood comes out mighty fast.
Then the nurse goes and checks my blood counts (white blood
cell count, red blood cell count, etc.). This used to be a scary thing for me
cause I went through a time where my counts were very low and I couldn’t get
treated because my immune system was too weak. But now that I’m getting a
$6,000 shot each treatment to boost my counts, I don’t really worry about my
blood counts being too low.
Then the treatment starts. A few treatments ago I had an allergic
reaction to the chemo drugs so they start me off with Benadryl now. I’m pretty
sick of Benadryl cause I fall right asleep and it makes me tired the rest of
the day. After the Benadryl I get two different nausea medications. Those help
out a lot!
After those, we’ve been at the hospital about and hour and a
half already. Next comes the chemo. Starting with the first drop, the symptoms
start. I instantly can’t drink anything cold cause my throat will hurt badly. I
can’t touch anything cold. My head starts to feel kind of fuzzy and starts to
hurt a little. I don’t want to eat or drink anything.
After 2 hourse of treatment, I get a pump attached to my
port that is going to give me chemo for the next two days. I’m pretty sick of
carrying that thing around. But once it’s attached, I’m free to go. At this
point, I’m still pretty tired and don’t feel like driving so whoever is with me
drives me home.
At home I feel really sick and just want to sleep. I don’t
want to eat or drink, but I force myself too so that I don’t get dehydrated or
lose a lot of weight. Eating is really the worst. This all lasts until about
Saturday (chemo starts on a Tuesday). Come Saturday I’m starting to eat more
cause I want to and can drink a lot easier.
The hardest part lately is that I get thrush after every
treatment. And the medications they’ve been giving me don’t make it go away
until about Sunday. That makes everything taste horrible. Only babies get
thrush right? Only old people get colon and rectal cancer right? Nope, I am an
old man and a baby all in one. I am a rare piece of work.
Just the thought of chemo makes me cringe. Anytime someone
mentions it I start shaking my head just like you do when you eat something
sour. It’s pretty funny actually though and we joke about it at home.
Living life with cancer is nothing like my normal life
before cancer. I am extremely grateful for everyday. In every prayer I plead
that I can be cured and that I can see my girls grow up and grow old with
Megan. I want get old so badly. Live life with cancer makes every laugh sweeter,
makes every hug mean something more, makes every tear brings you closer to God
and remind you of how much he loves you and is there for you even though you’re
struggling. You’re freaked out of doing anything wrong cause let’s face it; I
need all the blessings I can get.
I’m still here and I I’m still fighting. It’s not over yet
and it won’t be very soon. But when it is, I’ll move on, carrying something
with me that not everyone gets to have at such a young age, the lessons learned
from staring death in the face and not letting it get you down, but fighting
through and surviving and knowing just how precious live and how important it
is to share it with the one you love.
